Becoming Judgemental Through Self-improvement

If you’d prefer to listen to this article, click here (Podcast link).

Whatever you are trying to improve in yourself becomes a filter through which you see the world.

You’re trying to improve your nutrition, and you start to automatically see things as hindrances or helpers towards that outcome.

Parties are no longer just an opportunity for fun. They are also now something to be worked around nutritionally. Meals become more than just something to enjoy. They become investments in your fitness goals.

Along with that, the habits of close family and friends, which last week were completely acceptable to you, can start to come under criticism from you on your newfound high-horse.

Everyone’s social media habits become so much more dangerous now that you’re on a digital detox.

Your partner’s Friday night bottle of wine is a cause for concern all of a sudden now that you’ve cut your drinking down.

Your mate’s morning routine (he doesn’t have one) means his life is a mess, now that you’re 3 days into your new 5am wake-up habit.

Your newfound (albeit worthy) goal of improving yourself gives you cover for insulting others, or at least thinking poorly of them in your head.

(And if from this article, you start to judge those who you see judging others, you’ve made the same mistake again.)

Instead, let’s look at why this impulse to put others down for habits you were partaking in a few months ago isn’t a good use of your mental bandwidth.

One of the real reasons you’re criticising those around you is because deep-down you probably regret all the times you’ve seen those behaviours in yourself, and regret having not taken action sooner, and it’s easier to place for your frustration with those regrets onto those who are reminding you of that behaviour, rather than taking ownership and accepting your previous failings. More than that, you know you still have those tendencies in you, and you dislike that element of yourself.

The initial motivation for starting to improve yourself was that you wanted to become the person who eats well, or trains regularly, or is present when they’re with people, or gets up early.

You might even want people to know that you’re that person. And that’s all good, until it becomes the sole reason behind your self-improvement efforts.

You might even be criticising others as a means of getting credit for the changes you’re making. “What you’re doing is bad, and by opposing it, I’m letting you know I’m good.”

But you haven’t proven anything yet. You haven’t embodied the new behaviour for any impressive length of time. You’re trying to take a shortcut to getting the credit and recognition you want, before you deserve it.

You can’t delay the gratification (which may never come) of people seeing the improvements in you for themselves.

If that hits home, there’s another question to ask: Is the goal of your self-improvement to simply get the credit from others?

If that’s the case, you’re leaving the fate of your happiness in their hands. But what if you never get the credit? Will your efforts have been worth it? Even if you do get the credit, then what?

Or, are you wanting to improve yourself because you know that you’re not all you can be? That you can’t bear the feeling in you that you’re not living up to your potential? That you know you can have a better life and help those around you more if you are better?

If that’s the case, forget about whether or not you get the credit. Forget about showing others how good you are by reminding them of their flaws. Focus on being better, regardless of whether or not anyone notices.

You’ll notice.